The sky was terribly beautiful yesterday, but I was too lazy to grab my phone to take a photo when it was still in it's nice state. When I finally decided to take one, the angle was wrong, the sun had set too much. That's the thing about photography, you really have to seize the opportunity whenever you get it, and these opportunities don't come often. But it's those times when you do get the shot, that the sense of satisfaction comes in, that scene immortalized in a single photo.

So much has happened. From a state of confusion, to a state of clarity on one side, then to the other, and then it's back to confusion again. I don't know which side to stand on now, though it's quite obvious which side I'm supposed to be on. I'm stubbornly staying in the middle. But the more I try to hold on, the harder it's gonna get, and the greater the consequences. Maybe it's time to end it, to stop all the pain, maybe.

Everythng is piling up once again. The tiny things alone are not enough to bring me down. But it's just like how every small item can add to the weight of your haversack, something you don't want when you're halfway up the mountain. And it doesn't help that the very last item is like a giant sandbag. 6 months, max. I'll regret not cherishing the old times, despite knowing that I couldn't do much either. But it's always only towards the end when the pain sets in.

I feel as though I've let so many people down. Though it might all be coincidences, these coincidences only occurred because of my own decisions. It's always like that, taking turns to be on the receiving end, and being the one to deliver the disappointment.

It feels as though I've let it past. But deep inside I know it's still there somewhere, and I know that I'm ready to let it out. When? I don't know. Whether I should just keep it locked up inside permanently is another even bigger question. If what I'm hoping comes true..well..good for me. But if it doesn't..sigh. How would I even know anyway? But for now, it stays locked up.

darren
But I never told you, what I should have said,
No, I never told you, I just held it in.